This phrase has come up so many times since my son was born in 2023. Why now? Why is it so significant? Well after 24 hours of labour, and witnessing his first breath, his first cry, it made me start to wonder about breathing and how important it is to connect with your breath because to me it means connecting with yourself, well at least the first step in activating that connection. Breathing is not only about connecting to the inhalation and exhalation it is about connecting to your heart, to frequencies and what better teacher than my newborn son to teach me this.
I always try to teach people that when you experience trauma or continued stress the first thing that goes is your breath. Our bodies naturally withhold, tighten, and therefore the breath starts to become shallow and sluggish.
The term “just breathe” became very pertinent to me when I joined an art class a few months after his birth. This was no ordinary art class; I call the whole practice soul food and healing because it’s not just painting and drawing. I won’t go into the details, but I will share the key features that I learned about myself, especially around my breath and should I say… the lack thereof.
For starters, I carried my son for nine months, but prior to his conception was a whole string of heartbreak and grief due to my two-year infertility journey. Then came the birth: 24 hours of labour, crossing paths with fear and demons. I am always so grateful for my doula and husband who supported me through the birth, but as positive as the experience was, it came with complications. What happened to my breath in these experiences? My breath was incredibly laboured.
Then, this beautiful human arrives, and then what? I was love-struck, filled with oxytocin, yet so drained due to the lack of sleep. I was confused because I didn’t know how to breastfeed—it didn’t come naturally to me; I had to practise. I was so in love with this little being, yet I felt so angry and resentful because of my lack of sleep and lack of time for myself. So many polarities, and I had difficulty navigating or sitting in these polarities. My only conclusion was that I was in survival mode. My nervous system was in survival mode. I just wasn’t breathing.
Breath to me, relates to the acknowledgment that I am in survival mode and the need to practise slowly reconnecting with myself and my body, and understanding what sort of support my body needs.
My greatest lessons were:
1. To listen to my needs, and that I deserve to carve out quality time for myself during the day.
2. In order to connect with myself, I need to create stillness by connecting with my body. (This one is big for me as I am always busying myself.)
3. When things get uncomfortable, I am okay to sit with it—with love, acceptance, empathy, compassion, and without judgement. Taking a breath allows me to take a moment to access this.
4. I need to be less hard on myself and stop trying to be perfect. Breathing into my mistakes leads to more self-love and compassion.
Breathing is more than just a physical act; it’s a bridge to self-awareness and emotional resilience. By consciously connecting with our breath, we can navigate life’s challenges with more grace and understanding.
Let’s breathe.
Love, Mel x
